Holistic Wellness Nurse

All my life, I’ve looked through the lens of the third child.

That meant leftovers. Hand-me-downs. Being last in line. Sitting in the middle seat. I learned how to accept it all—gracefully. I made peace with being okay, not exceptional. And you know what? That mindset served me. It got me here.

No, I didn’t hate my childhood. I wasn’t mistreated. But I got used to being “last,” and it stuck with me. Even as an adult, when I had my own children—and adopted a bonus baby—I somehow slipped into fourth place in my own life.

But now… my children are older. They don’t need me in the same way. My husband is self-sufficient, loving, supportive. And suddenly, for the first time in a long time—I’m not standing behind anyone.

There’s no one else to put in front of me.

So I’m stepping into first place. And let me tell you—it feels good up here.

I’m remembering the time I lived alone when my middle sister left for college. That tiny burst of space and freedom. Or those three years when I lived on my own—but even then, I was caught up in love, putting someone else before me.

This—now—this is different.

I’m facing 40 and learning how to spend money on myself. Not just small things, but real investments. And the old me? She still tries to guilt-trip me. Still whispers that I don’t need all this.

But I do.

Now, I take my time in the bathroom. I draw baths just because. I do my hair. I line up a skincare routine before I go out. I eat slowly. I pause. I feel.

I am learning what it means to not just exist—but to thrive in the space where I come first.

And honestly? I see now why my older sister loves her life so much. She chose this route long ago. She knew.

And I think I’m finally ready to choose it, too.

Kyra J.